


i'm a bad bitch you can't kill me

by jenomeow



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Idols, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, I Tried, M/M, Miscommunication, Self-Indulgent, This Is STUPID, but like its not actually rock, enjoy i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-08-12
Packaged: 2020-08-19 14:51:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20211571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenomeow/pseuds/jenomeow
Summary: The first words your soulmate will say to you are written on your skin. When someone says that words to you, you'll know that person's the one.Taeyong has the stupidest mark ever.





	i'm a bad bitch you can't kill me

Taeyong wanted to pretend that he wasn’t the kind of hopeless romantic who longed to meet his soulmate, imagining hundreds of scenarios in which they could meet. But the truth is that he was. 

When he was a child he drew the lines of ink on his mother's arm, a sweet 'oh my god, finally'. The idea that whatever his soulmate told him for the first time would be etched on his skin was something that made Taeyong sigh every time he thought about it.

It was so comforting to know that there was someone out there, somewhere in the world, who was destined to be with him, to meet him and to fall in love in the purest and most sincere way. He liked to read the stories on the internet about how soulmates found each other unexpectedly and when they noticed that sweet and beautiful words adorned their skins, time seemed to stop, because finally, after years, that person was there. 

To imagine the day when his moment arrived was his favorite hobby: standing in front of his soulmate, both surprised and cheerful with a cheesy Taylor Swift song in the background (preferably enchanted), with cherry blossom petals falling around them, a soft ray of sun directly on each of them, and the delicate spring breeze stirring their hair. The ideal scenario... and probably unrealistic, but hey, Taeyong felt he deserved no less than a meeting worthy of the most cloying shoujo.

So yes, Taeyong was that kind of romantic who looked forward to meeting his destined person.

He didn’t understand his older sister, who felt no interest in meeting her soulmate. Well, it’s not that she had no interest, rather she was indifferent: 'if I meet them, then good, and if not that is also good. I'm not going out of my way to search for them.' It made no sense in Taeyong's mind; He was willing to go to the end of the world in order to meet his special person.

With each passing year, Taeyong was more excited because the tattoo appeared randomly between the ages of 16 and 18. Just as Taeyong's eagerness grew, the indifference of others did too. Time passed and Taeyong decided to follow his dream of becoming an idol, so he signed with a company and started as a trainee, and it was there that he met a lot of people with different opinions.

First, there was Ten, who was from Thailand. He got his mark at 16 and they were words full of romance, 'hey, I'm slightly drunk but I don't want to bother you, so tell me, would you let me tell you how beautiful you look right now, please?' But Ten didn't care, every time the subject was mentioned to him, he simply snorted and rolled his eyes, complaining about how ridiculous his soulmate was and how he would rather not meet him if he was one of those cheesy guys, no offense, Tae. Ten was quick to judge who he was supposed to accept and that made Taeyong so sad, not so much for Ten, but rather for the poor person who would have to go through all that to be with his friend.

There was also Yuta, from Japan, with his ‘ohmygod you are my soulmate I have to say something iconic- uh, shit, that wasn’t epic at all sorry I love you AH'. Yuta smiled gracefully, chuckling, every time someone pointed out how cute that was on his arm. “ _ I can say that he is a disaster, but whoever it is, it is the best disaster that could happen to me. _ ” And, okay, that last thing Yuta always said had Taeyong crying a little because damn how he loved that thing about soulmates.

The marks of other trainees appeared little by little and Taeyong felt anxious and happy at the same time, observing how everyone presumed the words on their skin, which ranged from corny to tender. Taeyong’s mark didn’t arrive and he began to get impatient. He felt that at that time his debut would come quicker than his words.

And as if on purpose, six months after he turned eighteen, he was told that he would debut in a few months, in a group with Ten, Yuta, Jungwoo, and Doyoung. Then they started practicing with even more enthusiasm and strength. They started preparing for the debut and for the first time in years, the main thought in Taeyong's mind ceased to be about his soulmate.

Eventually, however, the mark arrived, a few days before he turned 19. All his life Taeyong waited for the moment he woke up and on his right arm were the words that would mark a new era for him. He had high expectations. It was years of waiting, full of longing and innocence and sweet emotion, genuine happiness at nothing more than imagining how tender and sweet the first words of Taeyong's soulmate would be. Those words that he would have on his skin forever, and that he would carry with pride.

He was the greatest believer and devotee of soulmates, whoever knew Lee Taeyong even a little, would know the respect the young man had for the subject, and all that, for Taeyong, was summed up in the words that destiny decided that they should pronounce.

That morning he woke up as early as ever, tired of the practice of the previous day and with the familiar nerves because the debut was a week away. He had to try harder, give more of himself. Yawning, he stretched his arms over his head, still lying on his bed, and a blur of black on his right arm caught his attention.

He barely contained a cry of emotion, and sat down quickly, turning on the light on his nightstand; there wasn’t much light in the room because of the hour, it had been fortunate that Taeyong even noticed his mark.

The long-awaited soulmate mark.

His smile gradually faded, giving way to a face so serious that anyone who saw him at that moment would say he had just received devastating news.

He read the phrase a second time. A third time. A fourth time. He blinked hard. He rubbed his left hand on his right forearm. He pinched himself in case it was a dream. But it was not.

He watched with horror the phrase: 'You can't kill me, I'm a bad bitch.'

…

From Taeyong's humble point of view, Johnny Seo was the biggest idiot on the planet.

Taeyong was the leader of the idol group that had 0 Mile for the name, and they debuted five years ago when he was 19. Johnny was the leader of Regular, a band that debuted five years ago as well and was, in short, 0 Mile’s biggest competition.

The fandoms, fortunately, took it as a healthy competition, but the leaders did not.

They had never spoken, but it wasn’t necessary to know that they hated each other. It all started two years after the debut of both groups when Johnny was giving an interview and the question of what he thought about idol groups, more specifically 0 Mile, happened. Johnny just smiled as if the question was stupid and said, "I couldn't tell, I don't listen to that kind of music. I think it's music too... commercial. From the little I've heard, I don't feel it genuine, but hey, everyone can sing and listen to what they want." 

Taeyong's face contorted in a grimace of disgust; so that moron was one of those who thought they were superior for being in a rock band or whatever and played a musical instrument. Well, surprise, Taeyong could play the guitar and piano, and yet he was an idol.

He took it a bit personal because since debut Taeyong had written and composed at least 90% of the music 0 Mile sang, and it was something very serious for him, but suddenly, a stupid rocker came to say that the music that Taeyong was writing was commercial and ungenuine. Oh god. That idiot sure didn't even know how to hold a pencil.

From there everything went downhill quite quickly. So much so that Taeyong didn't even remember when they started having fights on twitter where everyone could see. It was no big deal, they weren’t serious fights, they were usually silly arguments as if pepperoni was better than sausage on pizza, or if milk went before cereal (Taeyong was sure that Johnny, like him, put milk before the cereal, but he was taking the opposite stance just to be a bother). Tweets were cited, photos were answered, all being sarcastic but without causing real damage to the self-esteem or reputation of the other. Fans took it with amusement, saying things like they really liked each other, and soon both fandoms enjoyed reading Johnny doing a thread on why he was sure that Taeyong was a robot that sometimes malfunctioned.

It only took remembering that he existed at the same time as Johnny Seo to stir Taeyong's stomach; he didn’t even want to start analyzing if it was a good stir or a bad stir.

The surprising thing about the situation is that Taeyong and Johnny had never spoken directly in person. Sure, they met occasionally at music awards and TV shows, but after grimacing in their direction they pretended not to have seen each other. They avoided each other at all costs, but it was increasingly difficult; Yuta was Sicheng's soulmate, Regular's bassist, and Doyoung was Jaehyun's soulmate, Regular's second guitarist and second vocalist. It was natural for both groups to spend more and more time in each other’s company, being that they were the closest friends of the couples. And yet, Taeyong hadn't had the need to talk to Johnny and vice versa.

Although that seemed like it would change soon. A huge Korean music festival that would last two days was being organized and the most famous groups of the moment would participate in it, which included 0 Mile and Regular. There would be special collaborations between groups and members, all voted by fans, and the composers of the groups would make new music specially for the occasion. Taeyong would be working with Mark from Regular because for the special stage the fans had voted for 0 Mile and Regular as some of the groups they wanted them to collaborate with. Taeyong had no problem composing and writing some songs with Mark's help, what bothered him was that it meant that he would share the stage with Johnny once again: there would be a special presentation of the group leaders, and oh surprise, both Johnny and Tae were the leaders of their respective groups.

…

He was having a bad time and it was literally just the first day.

Since he woke up everything was going wrong, and perhaps that must have alarmed him about what would come later, but Taeyong never was very perceptive.

The two bathrooms in the dorm were occupied when he got up and Doyoung yelled at Yuta to hurry up. That wasn’t a pleasant way to wake up. He tried to stay positive. Jungwoo spilled coffee all over the table and wet Taeyong's phone. He tried to smile. Ten and Doyoung were shouting nonsense in the background all throughout the car ride. The manager brought a van too small and Taeyong had no space to nap comfortably because Ten and Doyoung kept fighting, Ten's elbow was buried in his ribs for a long time. Positive, stay positive. Yuta dropped his pudding on Taeyong's lap. From there, Taeyong's teeth began to grind. 

The traffic was horrible and they arrived eight minutes late, so the festival organizers scolded Taeyong, since as a leader he had to make sure they were on time. He forgot his exercise shirts in the dorm and had to put on one that belonged to Doyoung, which wasn't bad but it ruined the outfit he planned. The floor of the dance studio was slippery and he ended up falling face down. He sighed, tried to count to ten in his mind. Then his members left to go to their own rehearsals with members of other groups and the rest of the leaders began to fill the place.

Johnny Seo came through the door.

And it was fine, really. Johnny wasn't as much trouble as expected, and Taeyong knew it: he had seen him helping staff members, giving advices to anyone that asked for one. In social media he was a pain in the ass, but when it came to this, at work, he was very serious and professional, behavior that Taeyong was more than happy to imitate. His mood didn’t improve because the guy came in with his smug smile and winked to annoy him, but it didn't get worse either.

Until Choi Chinmae came through the door, and then Taeyong's mood went underground.

Chinmae was the leader of a group of idols that Taeyong personally found adorable, but the only thing he had that was adorable was his fake personality, because in reality he was a manipulative bastard who had maintained a toxic relationship with Taeyong for a whole year. The worst year of his life. It almost ruined Taeyong completely and still, Chinmae said he was the victim, for God's sake. And now Taeyong would have to put up with him in the same practice room for two months, great.

He tried to forget about that and paid attention to the choreographer who gave them an explanation of the choreography they would use for the special stage and showed it to them for the first time. It was catchy and simple enough to learn quickly but complicated enough that they had to practice it a couple of times a week. Also, coordinating groups as large as that was never easy. Taeyong had already memorized his line, quite easy since thanks to being so many, no one would have more than one or half a line. The choreographer left them to practice a moment for themselves and Jeno instantly approached him. Jeno was an idol who debuted in the same company as Taeyong several years later, leader of the group called Dream.

The two practiced together until Chinmae decided to start criticizing Taeyong out loud from the center of the room, calling everyone's attention. Taeyong ignored him until he began criticizing his skills as a leader. That was something he couldn’t pass up.

"What's your damn problem, Chinmae?" he asked, irritated. "I didn't even look at you and you're here with your stupid attacks. Is there anything you want to say? Just say it. Or are you only brave as long as you don't show your true face, you coward?"

Chinmae looked at him as if he had cursed his mother. The room’s atmosphere was tense, until Johnny decided it was the most hilarious thing he had witnessed and laughed out loud. Taeyong looked at him wanting to kill him. Johnny raised his hands, pretending innocence, as if he wasn't laughing at the situation. The desire to hit him or kill him increased. Didn't he see that this was serious? But of course, you couldn’t expect Johnny Seo to maintain his composure in a matter that wasn’t even his. Taeyong's hatred must have been reflected in his expression, because Johnny, still laughing, looked at him directly and with a joking tone said the words:

"You can't kill me, I'm a bad bitch." He laughed a little more, shaking his head after his reference as if it was the best thing he had ever said. "Sorry, it's just that, fuck, you're really fighting in front of us all as if it’s nothing. It's like watching a drama unfold right in front me."

Taeyong had frozen in place. He felt stiff, icy, almost scared. He knew those words by heart, he had seen them on his right arm every day of his life since he was 18. They were the words that announced a new cycle, which marked their destiny. And Johnny fucking Seo had pronounced them in the middle of a fight between Taeyong and his stupid ex. In a practice room that smelled of a mixture of sweat and deodorant, hot and humid, with lots of boys and girls who saw everything with surprise.

Now it was Taeyong who wanted to laugh. This was so ridiculous. The person who he disliked the most was his soulmate, his supposed lifelong love. Johnny Seo, who made compilations of himself stumbling on his own feet on twitter. Regular’s drummer Johnny Seo. Him. 

He wanted to curl into himself and cry and laugh because this whole situation made no sense. He had his ex screaming nonsense one second and the next Johnny made a damn reference to an old, iconic vine that Taeyong carried on his arm. Everything was ridiculous, including him. Especially him. Maybe this was what he earned for having dreamed so much about this day, for idealizing this moment so much. He had always wanted the romantic atmosphere and tender words from a stranger, but what he got instead was a stupid phrase from an even more stupid acquaintance.

Suddenly, marks like 'welcome to Starbucks' sounded a thousand times better than the one on his arm.

The thing is that as the mark is always visible (idols and celebrities hid it, actually), and any crazy person could read them and tell you that on the street, there was a second part to all of this. When your true soulmate said them, their name was engraved on your wrist. 

Taeyong knew that he should say something smart, something epic, something that wouldn’t ruin Johnny's mark, but as he felt the tingling on his wrist and the very obvious sight of letters beginning to appear, he didn't think. With tears in his eyes due to the emotion of the moment, to all that this meant, he growled and pronounced:

"Hell no.  _ You _ ?"

Johnny's smile froze and gradually began to disappear. He raised his wrist near his eyes in a blink, watching with the same panic as Taeyong how the letters began to appear.

Everyone in the room gasped when they understood what was happening, looking at their friends’ wrists from their places.

_ Johnny Seo _

_ Lee Taeyong _

"Ready to continue?" the choreographer asked, coming in suddenly.

Taeyong had come so far because he knew how to think. That was his greatest strength and greatest weakness. It was good because he had everything under control or knew how to react when it wasn’t under control. Thinking what would be the next thing he would do, the next thing he would say, the next step he would take, had allowed Taeyong to take good opportunities and as a result, he stood as the leader of the most famous idol group today.

However, if Taeyong couldn’t think, if he was left without time or energy for that, and there was something important that definitely needed to be reflected on, he became anxious. He would know how to handle the situation, but he would feel full of insecurities and be in a bad mood. That is why his need to think about everything, not to be even a little impulsive for certain things, was a strength but also a weakness; because it made him feel bad and he ended up doing silly things, like running away just as the choreographer gave them permission to go.

During the rest of the practice Taeyong was too busy to think deeply about what he would do next: Johnny Seo was his soulmate. What was next now?

Of course, he had considered it many times, what came after meeting his soulmate, and was prepared for any scenario. Or so he believed, because while he hurriedly picked up his backpack, he found his mind blank. He just wanted to leave.

He never expected Johnny to be his soulmate, if he was honest. Not that he was out there thinking about who it might or might not be, but Johnny? Not even in his wildest dreams did he consider that. Maybe that was what bothered him more than the fact that it was Johnny, it bothered him that he hadn't anticipated that it could be Johnny or someone he didn't like very much, if anything. Although normally for him to dislike someone, he talked to them before. Like, actually speaking, not only fighting over nonsense on twitter and something he said in an interview years ago.

He just needed to retire to think about what would happen next and everything would be fine. It's not like he was going to avoid Johnny for a couple days... right?

"Uh," he heard Jeno murmur beside him. He looked at him quickly and found the teenager looking at Johnny, who was hurrying to collect his things in the same way as Taeyong. "I think he wants to talk to you."

That only served to make Taeyong forget about neatness and throw his things into his backpack carelessly, ready to run out of there.

"Too bad, I'm in a hurry. See you later, Jeno, take care." He smiled and didn't wait any longer, going out the door without paying attention to the frustrated 'Taeyong, wait!' that Johnny pronounced.

He hurried to get to the parking lot, where Ten was already waiting for him in the car that would take them back to the dorm. Doyoung would go on a date with Jaehyun and Yuta would go out with Sicheng. Jungwoo would go to lunch with some friends, so it would be just Ten and Taeyong for that day. He got into the car and slammed the door behind him. The manager said nothing and just started driving.

"Woah. Tough day?" Ten asked, noticing his friend's disturbance. Taeyong snorted and threw his backpack at his feet without care, collapsing in the seat.

In the background there was the soft music that their manager liked, and in the warmth of that space, with Ten there by his side, his best friend, Taeyong felt how little by little he lost the tight control he maintained over his feelings all the time. It wasn't the end of the world, on the contrary, he knew it was the beginning of something new, but he was overwhelmed not knowing if it was a good start or a bad start.

Johnny Seo had a reputation for breaking hearts. Johnny Seo had a reputation for not knowing stability. Johnny Seo was not the kind of man who stayed, let alone had serious relationships. All his former partners gave the same advice: if you want to keep your heart, don't be with Johnny Seo. He is the best friend in the world, but the worst lover. Would he be different with Taeyong just because he was his soulmate?

He extended his right arm to Ten, who watched him curiously before looking down at Taeyong's wrist and let out a gasp full of surprise, looking at the letters in English as if he didn't think they were real. He touched Johnny's name delicately, swallowing hard, and the look he gave Taeyong hurt; a look of pity mixed with a thousand other things, all related to the sadness he felt that his friend was going to end with his enemy. Or maybe it was Taeyong who felt he looked at him like that, in his state of drama and resignation. He tended to be super dramatic.

"Oh, Yongie," Ten muttered, in a voice that tried not to disturb him anymore. "You found him, didn’t you?"

"It's Johnny," Taeyong remarked bitterly, letting his hand rest in his lap. "Can you believe it? I was fighting with Chinmae because he is an idiot, and out of nowhere Johnny started to laugh because apparently it is hilarious to see me be angry and insulted and suddenly he made that reference to a vine and I said something else and our names were on our wrists. It wasn't romantic or cute or epic, it was... stupid. The worst possible scenario? That happened."

Ten nodded, listening to Taeyong and thinking about what the hell he should say next, nervous. He wasn’t good at comforting people, wasn’t good with empathy and was clumsy with the feelings of others and his own. He didn't even care about that soulmate crap, but Taeyong cared too much. He had based his life on that for a long time, and now they were both there, in the middle of the afternoon traffic with his manager who preferred to ignore them than to get into their affairs and Ten was in a difficult situation, definitely.

_ As prudent and intelligent as Doyoung and as kind and delicate as Jungwoo, _ he proposed himself,  _ as patient as Yuta. You can, Ten, comfort your best friend with words and not with alcohol like always. Easy, it's not like you're that emotionally constipated. _

"Damn it, Taeyong, it’s not like someone told you that you have three days left to live, you only found your soulmate, just as you've wanted for centuries. Cut the drama now." Well, that went worse than expected, and Taeyong's sob made it very clear. Ten started to panic. "I mean, it's not that bad, is it? Think of those people who die without meeting their soulmate, that should hurt. I know you never thought it was going to be Johnny, but hey, at least now you know, don't you? Everything will be fine, I promise. "

Taeyong looked at him through his tears and nodded slowly. Ten felt that he was breathing again when he saw his friend wiping away his tears.

"It's just that everyone says Johnny breaks hearts without even realizing it," Taeyong muttered. "It doesn't even bother me so much that it's Johnny, you know? It's not that I'm very happy, but it could be worse, it could be a murderer or something. If you all know him and say he's a good person, I don't have to doubt so much. I need to meet him on my own, but, I don't know... nothing is going as expected or as I wanted and that makes me feel insecure and upset. I know I'm being dramatic, I'm sorry. "

"It’s okay, you're allowed to feel strange; this finding your special person thing must be an experience, I guess," he sighed. "Yong, I just don't want you to deny this to yourself, okay? I don't want you to judge Johnny for things you don't know are true or not. Look, maybe he's a fool about love, but I assure you he's not a bad friend. Maybe this works out, maybe not. We don't know. That's why you should try. If your heart ends up broken, at least you'll get out of there knowing that you tried, that you didn't deny yourself the opportunity you've been waiting for all your life. I know you don't like Johhny, but maybe if you really talk, you’ll stop wanting to kill him, who knows. "

Taeyong just blinked, taking into account each of the words said by Ten. He nodded slowly. He was right. Taeyong didn’t know Johnny more than what he had heard from other people, and if working in this industry taught him anything, it was that the rumors were not to be taken seriously. He must be the one to judge Johnny on his own when he knew him well. On twitter he was annoying, but it wasn't as bad as Taeyong made it seem, more times than not he ended up giggling at his nonsense. The first step was to try to know each other better, even if it bothered them.

…

"I don't want a relationship."

Taeyong looked at Johnny with exasperation.

"Who the fuck said something about a relationship, you idiot? Let me tell you that I don't want a relationship or anything with you."

Johnny laughed delighted to have bothered Taeyong.

One day after all that happened, it was Taeyong who contacted Johnny and sent him a message to agree on what day and at what time they could go for coffee or whatever because they needed to talk. Johnny agreed without problems, and now there they were, in the private cafeteria of Taeyong's company, because anywhere else outside that building or Johnny's, everyone would find out that they met. It wasn't exactly what Taeyong expected on his first "date" with his soulmate, but considering that said soulmate was Johnny Seo, the location was fine.

Johnny seemed very calm with the whole soulmates thing, drinking his milkshake without haste, sitting in his chair in front of Taeyong as if time didn’t exist, humming under his breath. So relaxed, the asshole. But Taeyong knew that he also seemed relaxed on the outside, maybe Johnny was as nervous as he was?

"As I said," Johnny continued. "I don't want a relationship, but I definitely think we should try to be more decent with each other. I don't say we become best friends, but maybe trying to talk and be patient with the other would be good, for the sake of your group and mine." That got Taeyong's attention. "I have noticed that Sicheng and Jaehyun want to mix Regular and 0 Mile and go bowling or whatever, because after all we are Jae’s and Cheng’s best friends and you are their boyfriends' best friends. But they don't do it because they think that you and I will end up killing each other. We have to save them from that, Taeyong."

There was a time when Yuta couldn't even look Taeyong in the eye, afraid of what he would say when he discovered he was in love with someone who belonged to the band that his enemy led. It was the worst week of Taeyong's life, seriously. Between tears of both, Taeyong explained that he didn’t care who he loved, he would always be his friend, and who his partner or soulmate or whatever was would never be a factor that would alter the friendship they had, because Yuta would be Yuta, his best friend. Then he hit him on the head because  _ what the hell, Yuta, that's the stupidest thing I have ever heard, seriously, hating you for something you can't control? For you falling in love? Dude even if Johnny himself were your husband, I wouldn't hate you, damn. _

Maybe he should apply that advice to himself. Except the last part because he wasn't in love with Johnny.

"I've also noticed how uncomfortable we make everyone feel with our senseless hatred," he admitted. "Okay, let's make a truce for the sake of our friends."

"A permanent truce, if possible," Johnny remarked, smiling. "And for now it is for our friends, but I hope that in the future we can get along genuinely for the both of us."

…

He wasn't sure what he expected when they created the truce, but certainly not this. Not Johnny Seo in his kitchen on a Friday at six in the afternoon baking cookies together while singing their favorite songs.

It all started a few hours ago when Johnny uploaded a photo to Twitter of his sad attempt to prepare cookies, three days after the truce was made and in which they didn’t speak even once. Taeyong, who couldn't help it because it was Johnny and because those cookies were an insult, replied his tweet giving his sincere opinion:

"that looks like shit"

After a few seconds Johnny's response came, very typical of him:

"and you could do better?"

"yes" was all the answer he gave, accompanied by a photo of his diploma that accredited him as a graduate of an intensive professional baking course he took one year ago.

"fuck :o teach me"

"no"

"please :("

"i already said no"

"please :((" This time the tweet came with a picture of Johnny pouting.

"i mean ok or whatever i don't care"

And so, half an hour later, Johnny knocked on his door with all the ingredients that Taeyong told him to buy on his way through a text message.

Johnny was obviously a mess in the kitchen. But surprisingly, Taeyong didn't despise it as much as he thought he would. Of course, he didn't have a good time throughout the process, and he got frustrated a couple of times when Johnny kept breaking the eggs wrong, but it was a pleasant experience overall.

He was used to cooking and baking alone, since none of his housemates enjoyed those activities. Occasionally, Jungwoo or Yuta helped him with some things and it was good to have them there, but mostly he was alone. He liked to cook alone, it let him clear his mind and forget about the rest. However, with Johnny there opening the flour too hard and throwing it everywhere, with him shyly apologizing when something went wrong by mistake, Taeyong found himself laughing more than growling, as he expected it to happen.

He was sure he was so happy because it showed that Johnny wanted to learn. And yes, he did everything wrong, but if Taeyong was frustrated, Johnny was five times more. In the end the cookies came out delicious, they ate them sitting on the floor, in a corner, laughing stupidly over a video of falls on Taeyong's laptop, both covered in flour. Johnny took half of the remaining cookies and said goodbye with a smile that Taeyong returned without realizing it.

It was strange.

…

The essence of Johnny and Taeyong was to fight, and that not even being soulmates would change it, which was noticeable at that moment when both were staring at each other from opposite sides of the room, their members moving uncomfortably in their positions.

That day they rehearsed the special stage of Regular and 0 Mile, and the leaders were having disagreements as to how exactly they would accommodate so that Regular wouldn’t be overshadowed with the dance of 0 Mile but that at the same time the others didn’t look only as supportive dancers of Regular.

"And why don't we exchange positions?" Jungwoo suggested. Everyone looked at him, without understanding the proposal. "Regular members are still idols and trained as such, and had to pass tests and be the best in all areas to debut, like us. So they are totally capable of dancing in a perfect way, I suppose. And we know how to play instruments, so why don't we change in the middle of the presentation and 0 Mile becomes a band and Regular a group of idols?"

Everyone else present gave their approval and soon everyone except for the leaders talked about how good that idea was, excited.

Taeyong didn't know how Johnny would have told his friends about the matter of the soulmates, but Taeyong told them the day they found Johnny and him chuckling in a corner of the kitchen, dirty and with dozens of cookies. It was as simple as a "he's my soulmate" and in response he received a soft "fucking called it" from Doyoung. Before they could say anything, he explained the situation to them thoroughly and left before he could receive pity glances.

He sighed heavily and looked at his members, all chatting with Regular members; Some things changed. Then he looked at Johnny, who stared back at him with a frown; Other things didn’t change. But it was fine. It was fine to change and not change, because there would be time for everything, to analyze the differences and to improve what remains the same.

…

Chinmae didn’t bother him the next time the leaders rehearsed and the practice was as calm as it could be, not taking into account the looks that others gave Johnny and Taeyong, trying very badly to hide them.

When Johnny approached Taeyong at the end of the practice, however, not even Jeno who was right next to Taeyong tried to hide that he was observing.

"Hey. Do you want to go eat together?" Johnny asked, removing some strands from his forehead, which were stuck with his sweat. Taeyong rearranged his bag on his shoulder.

"Yeah, sure." He shrugged and they both left.

Hours later, with the hunger satiated and back in the dorm, Taeyong realized that the food was great, but the company was even more so.

......

He woke up and as soon as he opened his eyes he wanted to close them again and never open them again. Johnny smiled slyly at the sleepy boy with his head in his lap.

"What? Nothing to say, cutie?" he asked burlesque, as he ran his fingers between the black strands of Taeyong’s hair.

Two weeks after they started talking, Jaehyun felt it was time to reunite Regular with 0 Mile at a dinner in the band's dorm. As the host, Jaehyun decided to cook and Taeyong ended up helping him. At the beginning, that whole meeting was somewhat awkward because they had never met just to hang out and have dinner. Lately, they were together because of the festival and the special stage for which they had to rehearse for, but that was very different from this, that was work.

Ten being Ten ended up putting on a playlist of his and broke the heavy atmosphere with bad jokes, random dance moves and light conversations. Soon they had dinner and chatted more and ended up watching a movie. Taeyong and Johnny sitting together on the carpet.

Taeyong remembered being sleepy and evidently falling asleep, but how he ended up with his head resting on Johnny's lap was a mystery he was not willing to solve. For a second he considered saying something, maybe insulting Johnny a little or whatever, but the movie was still rolling and nobody paid attention to them both, so only that time, Taeyong simply closed his eyes again and ignored Johnny's comment, still with his head on the other man's thigh.

Yuta and Sicheng were sitting together on a sofa, chatting in murmurs and cuddling, Ten and Mark on the floor in front of the couple entangled in blankets, absorbed in the movie. Jungwoo was sitting in an armchair with Doyoung and Jaehyun, who unlike the other couple were not almost on top of each other, very focused on the tv, but they held hands. Taeil had the single sofa to himself, and he entertained himself on his cell phone.

He opened his eyes and found Johnny also attentive to what was happening in the animated film that Taeyong didn't even remember the name of. Johnny kept running his fingers gently through Taeyong's hair, which was persuading him to sleep again. The atmosphere was warm and illuminated by the screen and the soft light of the kitchen, he had his best friends there and also his new friends too, and Johnny's touch was so gentle.

He decided to worry about life in general another day, and enjoyed the tranquility of the moment.

…

And so, the days went on, so calm that he was almost suspicious, but there was nothing really suspicious. 

He kept talking more and more with Johnny, getting to know each other better little by little. They still argued and their opinions in general were varied and distinct, but they had learned to get along. His friends seemed happier now that they could hang out with Regular without the fear that Taeyong would feel bad or betrayed by them hanging with the enemy (which was stupid since in Taeyong’s point of view; Regular was never the enemy, even when Johnny wasn't to his liking, he never considered him a real nuisance). The practices for the festival continued and were increasingly harsher and stricter with the date approaching, and when he least expected it a month had passed since the name  _ Johnny Seo _ had appeared on his wrist in the middle of the most ridiculous situation he could have imagined meeting his soulmate in.

Soulmate who felt more like a good close friend than a soulmate. When he said that that morning, Yuta laughed sweetly, saying "Being a friend of your soulmate is as important as being his lover, Taeyong." He didn’t understand and preferred not to think much about that comment.

....

Eventually, Taeyong was accumulating more and more feelings, and therefore, more and more desire to hit his head. Hard.

Johnny was kind and funny, and he wasn't afraid to tell Taeyong when he was being a moron or give him compliments when he did something right. Johnny understood that there were days when Taeyong just wanted to do what he had to do, not talk to anyone and go back home and he understood that there were days when he was in such a good mood that he cooked a feast and hugged and kissed everyone. And for Taeyong it was so easy to understand, too, that Johnny had bad days, terrible days, good days and incredible days, just like everyone else. Soon he could recognize which smile was real and which was just because there were cameras nearby.

Being with Johnny was laughter, silly fights, deep debates, light conversations, introspections that ended in tears and more. Being with Johnny was so easy and enjoyable and Taeyong liked it more and more. The confidence and tranquility, the familiarity, all that came partly from the fact that in each life their souls met. Johnny's soul wasn’t unknown to Taeyong's, and you could tell how in just over a month they could get along so quickly.

And it was terrible, devastating, because all that was just taking Taeyong to a broken heart. Johnny didn't want a relationship. Johnny did not stay. Johnny didn't see Taeyong as anything but a good friend, and Taeyong, poor and silly Taeyong, was heartbroken thanks to Johnny's existence. He, like the great idiot he was, let the feelings that came by default with the tattoo spread.

In his elementary biology class they had explained it: love is chemicals. Tattoo ink is made of those chemicals. Once the name appears on your wrist, there is no going back, the virus called love expands. Sometimes it takes its time, sometimes you are immune. The more you spend with your soulmate, the more chemicals your brain produces and the more you fall in love.

It was funny, because humans fight viruses and infections, but not love. The flu will heal eventually, and broken hearts too, but people would all prefer a one-week cold to an injured heart that is never forgotten.

Taeyong, evidently, was not immune but thought he could control it. Turns out he couldn’t. Johnny, of course, seemed to be immune to Taeyong.

Seeing Johnny chuckle, looking at his stylist Kun with hearts in his eyes, who he evidently had a crush, Taeyong realized, once again, that Johnny was the most handsome man in the world, his soulmate and who he could have. He realized that of the two of them, the only loser was himself.

…

"I think I'm going to confess to the person I like," Johnny commented one day. Taeyong smiled and nodded.

The festival would be in a week and everyone and everything was ready for that. As there was not much left to do, they had more free time, and the two decided to take advantage of it by going for a walk in the city, enjoying the Christmas decorations and the cold weather.

Johnny talked all the time about Kun, who had been hired just two months ago, more or less when Johnny and Taeyong started talking. Johnny always remarked how great he was, how talented he was, how much he liked him. Kun did this, Kun is going to do that. Kun, Kun, Kun. It was always his stylist, and he had never said it but it was obvious that he liked him.

Taeyong wasn’t bothered as much as he expected by the fact that Kun’s name would never leave Johnny's mouth, surprisingly. He sounded like a good person, and whenever he talked about him his face lit up, and that was enough for Taeyong. Seeing Johnny happy made him forget that his heart was heavy and sore because it wasn't him who caused such happiness.

"I didn't know you like someone," he commented, like a liar.

"I never told you," Johnny laughed. "But yes. Two months ago we started talking and I'm sure I had never met anyone as... beautiful as he."

The smile. The look. Taeyong felt his chest rumble at the look and the smile that Johnny gave him. They were so sincere, they were telling him something, and he was desperate to understand if it was really like that or if he was only imagining things on the cold street with the soft yellow lights illuminating Johnny in a way that seemed to be taken out of a painting. Perhaps, with some luck, this was one of those moments of a kdrama where the protagonist talks about his love interest to his love interest. Something like "What kind of date do you like?" "Oh, in a movie theater" "Perfect. Are we going to the movies on Tuesday?" But that was too gullible. 

Taeyong could now recognize how he tended to idealize everything and that is why life gave him unpleasant surprises. He should stop thinking so much and allow life to take its normal course or he would have nothing but disappointments. Besides, he could remember perfectly how Kun had come to Johnny's life two months ago.

"Oh, that sounds good. You should tell him how you feel."

"I will do it."  
  
  
  


He didn't know exactly what he was expecting, but it certainly wasn't this.

When he entered the practice room in the building where they rehearsed for the festival, just two days away now, he didn’t expect to see Kun and Johnny in a corner muttering. They weren't close enough to consider intimate, but as Taeyong stood by the door and they looked at him like deers caught in the headlights, he understood what might be happening: Johnny was confessing his love for Kun and he had interrupted them.

He stepped back and smiled at them nervously. Kun seemed even more nervous and Johnny was pale.

"Sorry, I didn't know you were here. I didn't mean to interrupt." He apologized.

"It's good, no-"

"Okay, I'll leave now." and ran out of there. He heard Johnny call his name but he paid no attention; he should go with Kun, he couldn't just declare his feelings and then go after Taeyong. What would Kun think?

Over the next two days, it was easy to ignore Johnny. Both Regular and 0 Mile and all other participating groups were busy, so Johnny didn't even try to contact him much due to lack of time, and when he sent messages or called him, it was easy for Taeyong not to answer. 

He wasn't sure why Johnny insisted that they talk, really. Taeyong didn't want to talk to him because he was going through a heartbreak of some sorts, and Johnny surely just wanted to talk about how fabulous Kun was and how they were now a couple or whatever, and in other circumstances Taeyong would have endured it and heard everything Johnny had to say, but not this time. He couldn't afford to be sad when such an important festival was approaching, and that was why he didn't think about how he felt. If he avoided reflecting on it, he could ignore it. It was the perfect plan except that it wasn’t healthy and he wasn’t closing the cycle called Johnny Seo.

And so the big day arrived and everything became a chaos of stylists and staff, 0 Mile running from one side to another, preparing for their different scenarios. The opening, with other groups, the leaders, the main dancers, the main vocalists, the rappers, the self-produced songs, the closing. It was like giving a mini-concert.

However, the stage that Taeyong most expected was the one they would do with Regular because damn, it was going to be big and intense. Even if Johnny was going to be there it didn't matter because the thing Taeyong loved the most was being a performer, and every time he was on stage he was in his element.

Possibly he would never overcome the slight weight of the nerves in his stomach when crossing the hall leading to the stage, and he would never stop loving the adrenaline and emotion he felt as soon as he set a foot on the stage. All that potentialized and much better and more fun because his best friends were there with him. He felt his heart rumble, listened to the screams and the music and suddenly he forgot everything and his body acted almost by itself, always delivering the best it had to give.

And so, the time to appear with Regular arrived and that marked one of the greatest moments of Kpop. Everything was powerful, from the dance to the music played first by Regular and then by members of 0 Mile, and when it was time to end the act, Taeyong holding a guitar, he saw the hundreds of fans screaming and crying, and having a great moment. And he couldn't help feeling that emotion and euphoria as well.

He was so drunk in the feeling of success and happiness that he didn't even notice when his members left him behind and suddenly Johnny and him were surrounded by staff running from one side to the other too busy to even notice them there. He wanted to get away, but Johnny had already taken his wrist and begged for a second of his time.

He should go. Both should leave because in five minutes they would have to go back on stage for the presentation of the leaders and they needed to change their clothes accordingly, they needed to re-fix the microphones and cables under their clothes and— Taeyong stayed. He let Johnny loosen his grip and his hand was on the guitar he still had hanging around his neck.

"You've been ignoring me," Johnny said. He didn't sound sad or angry, he sounded anxious.

"I've been busy." It was his excuse.

"If it's because of Kun—"

"No, no! Why would it be because of him, fool? It is not because of him."

"Taeyong," now he sounded exasperated. "I'm not going to let this happen. I'm not going to let everything go wrong because we don't talk about it. I don't— it's not Kun. The person I like is not Kun."

"Oh."

They didn’t speak. No one said anything but it was not necessary because the stage was drawing closer and the next group was already performing, the staff shouted orders and everything was a mess. And there was no time. They should dress. If they didn’t start going to their respective dressing rooms in the next fifty seconds the managers would go crazy.

"I thought it was Kun," Taeyong explained. "You always talked about him and how great he is and how much you appreciate him."

"Yes, because I do. I appreciate him and I love him and that day you found us we were talking about the person we like respectively. Kun is a great friend of mine, Taeyong," he gave a slow and pleasant smile, and someone who sounded like his manager shouted Taeyong's name at the end of the hall. "But you are the person I like. You are my soulmate."

They could talk later. Taeyong could tell him later that he was afraid that he wouldn’t stay and would apologize for believing in something he had not seen with his own eyes, he would tell him that he liked him and that it was not just because their souls were destined to meet. And he would tell him that even though they were soulmates, Johnny was still a bad cook in Taeyong's eyes and sometimes he was annoying and he knew that Johnny also thought that Taeyong was silly sometimes. Besides, the mark was stupid and ugly and he didn’t like it a little even now. But it was fine because they were ordinary people with marks of soulmates like everyone else in the world and it was impossible to be perfect, Taeyong understood it already.

With fondness he hoped it could be transmitted through his eyes, he smiled at Johnny, feeling his manager's hand on his shoulder, gently pushing him because it was getting late and Taeyong wasn’t ready yet.

"Let's talk later, Johnny. Let's go for coffee or dinner or something, okay?"

With a chuckle he couldn't hear, Johnny nodded: "I'd love to, Yong."

They were almost screaming over the noise of a concert in the background. Both sweated gallons worth since it was hot there and smelled of moisture, sweat, perfume and hair products. The staff brushed against their backs because there wasn’t enough space and that conversation was short and not perfect at all. Taeyong didn't care, he let himself be dragged by his manager to the dressing room where his clothes were almost ripped off and he was scolded, but it was as if none of those words came to him, too busy smiling and thinking that finally he had found his soulmate. 

It wasn’t as expected at all, and surprisingly, at that moment, he wouldn’t change how everything turned out for nothing.

**Author's Note:**

> the goal of this summer break for me was to post this and my break ends in less than four hours so i guess i achieved it hehe
> 
> tbh im not sure if this is even good?? but i'll improve with time promise
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/jenosglow)


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